Reading about aging in chapters 23 and 24 made me think a lot about my own grandparents. I have two surviving grandparents--my Grandad my mom's side and my Lola on my dad's. Seeing them over Thanksgiving brought about mixed feelings.
Ever since my Grandma passed away, my Grandad hasn't been the same. You can tell he misses her dearly. He also got a call from his best friend this week...his friend said it very well may be the last time they talk. Lola is also seeing her friends go. Her med school class has a reunion every year. Each year, less classmates show up. I can't currently imagine what it's like to lose the people closest to you, but I guess we are all bound to experience at some point in our lives.
Another thing that saddens me is seeing my grandparents gradually lose their independence. My Lola was always an independent, feisty woman who raised a family, worked, and ran a household without a husband for most of her life. After she had triple bypass surgery, she has significantly slowed down physically. We've had a complete role reversal from when I was a child. Now I'm the one who buckles her in when we go on a car ride. I also need to zipper her coat before we go out together. What pains me most is to remember that she was not always like this. And, she doesn't want it to be like this. She still wants to be able to live alone and take care of herself, but it just isn't practical anymore.
I think we often forget that older people were once our age. We forget that they understand love, loss, and going through transitions when really we should be asking them for advice. There are some things you can only learn through time.
That is hard to see your grandparents declining like that. I remember after my paternal grandmother died how lonely my grandfather was. Your Lola sounds like a special person. Do you help to take care of her? I agree with you about forgetting that older people were once young like us and how often we miss the wisdom they could give us if we would only ask.
ReplyDeleteAbout 10 years ago I was participating in an activity where we were to put a large puzzle together blindfolded. Very early on I found the piece that connected with mine, the other person took our joined pieces and I was left sitting blindfolded with nothing to contribute. It hurt me so deeply to be on the outside with nothing to contribute I began to cry, and at that point in my life I rarely cried. Nobody could see that I was crying because everyone was blindfolded. As I sat there the thought came to me this is what it feels like for many older people. And I have never forgotten it.
All of my grandparents have died, but I love caring for elders. Currently I have the privilege of giving an older lady a ride to church. Often I take her home with me for Sunday lunch at my parents or to dinner invitations from church people. She is so grateful for the very little I do for her.