Thursday, November 13, 2014
Arranged Marriages
I'm interested to learn more about arranged marriages and how the participants of these types of marriages feel about them. I would love to learn more about the success rates of these kinds of marriages. It's a vastly different experience from the one that we Westerners know. However, perhaps there is something to this cultural trend. Our book talks about choice overload and how many of us end up suffering from too many choices, unable to choose. Furthermore, I would like to explore the idea that extramarital affairs are the result of too many choices and perhaps an eventual dissatisfaction that comes along with feeling total freedom to choose one's life partner. I'm not advocating for arranged marriage. As a Westerner, I've grown accustomed to the luxury of being able to choose my own partner, and leave that partner or not marry that partner at all. However, it seems that a culture that promotes arranged marriages looks at this connection between people as a largely practical affair, with love and passion taking the back seat. Since it seems that passion and commitment are lost so often in American marriages anyway, maybe it makes sense to at least look at the practicality of an arranged marriage in a way to better understand how we all see the function of marriage. After all, it seems that many Western couples seek the approval of their parents prior to marriage anyway, right?
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I also find the idea of arranged marriages to be quite fascinating. I run a company out of India and also had many friends who were Indian in college. Though arranged marriages are heavily on the decline in India, their attitude about marriage and about semi arranged marriages is quite different. I think this further proves that marriage is culture and that our ideas and norms of relationships are also someone dependent on culture. You mentioned in you blog how you as a westerner view arranged marriages different and also the idea of choice. Interestingly though, in the western world we have a very individual and very romantic notion of what love is, or what type of love we should be seeking to choose a partner, when in fact what we consider to be the trajectory of a romantic encounter that slower leads to marriage, to some is actually just living of passions and that choosing a marriage that is best for your family, and chosen as a life long commitment, also very much has its merits, as I think we all know that are emotions, attractions and whims are likely to change dramatically, especially over the course of time. It is certainly an engaging aspect of psychology to think about.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I think I have some insight from a friend who is part of an arranged marriage culture, that could benefit this conversation. I have a friend from Jordan, where arranged marriages are common, who told me about how the Jordanian culture sees arranged marriage, or at least the friends she has who have participated in it. The thought of arranged marriage is that it takes the focus off simply the physical attraction and the infatuation, it is looked at simply in a logistical manner and the thought is over time each party will learn to love each other because loving your spouse is an everyday decision on its own. This encourages a deeper more genuine love than the infatuation and immediate passion that happens when you chose your own spouse. Granted, this is not the norm for all Western style relationships, but I can see what she meant and how relative it is. For example, Kim Kardashians 72 day marriage. I found it very interesting, and it opened my eyes to see that arranged marriage isn't always a family or controlling situation.
ReplyDeleteAs humans we can choose to love someone or choose to allow ourselves to love them. In the culture I come from, marriages are not arranged but there is more emphasis in the beginning of the relationship on commitment than mainstream culture and less emphasis on passion. Most couples are however first attracted to each other. My sister who is getting married in a few weeks is an exception. She agreed to start dating a young man who she admired but had no passion for. She told him that she would give him a chance to win her heart. Now her love and passion is intense and she can hardly wait to marry him.
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